SELF-LOVE & DETACHMENT EXERCISE/QUESTIONNAIRE


Do you FULLY love yourself? If the answer is no or if there is any hesitation in answering at all, then chances, are you need a self-love check-in. These questions will help you begin to recognize the difference between your ego (who you identify as) and your soul (who you truly are).

Write these answers down and ask them of yourself any time you feel unhappy or that there is a disconnect with where you want to be and where you currently are, or with how you feel and how you want to feel. 

To dive deeper with one-on-one coaching, contact me via the contact page and indicate your interest in the Self-Love coaching.


SELF-LOVE


CURRENT FEARS/QUESTIONS:
Write down all of your current fears that are holding you back from where/who you want to be. Once your list has been completed, go back through the list and write down where or who that fear originated from. 

  1. What are your current thoughts/beliefs that are holding you back from your full potential?
  2. In which ways are you judging other people?
  3. In which ways are you judging yourself?
  4. In which ways are your judgments of yourself interacting with/affecting your judgments of others?
  5. What things do you worry about for the future?

Meditate on this list to see if these fears truly belong to you or if they are someone else's fears that you have adopted as your own. Did they come from your environment growing up, a religion or other social environment, your family? Try to pinpoint the moment you took each fear on as your own and determine if it is still necessary to hold on to. Be honest with yourself to  determine how each fear is holding you back from becoming all that you want to be.


STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES:

  1. What are your strengths? List all of them.
  2. What are your weaknesses? List all of them.
  3. What are your good habits? List all of them.
  4. What are your bad habits? List all of them.
  5. How are your strengths showing up for you in your life? Are you proud of them? Do you allow yourself to express them fully? Refer to your fears list and try to determine which fear(s) are keeping you from expressing your strengths fully. How are your weaknesses showing up in your life? Have any of them been exacerbated by your fears? Review your fears list to try to trace the areas of your life in which fear has created or exacerbated an area in your life that you are not very proud of.
  6. Ask yourself the same questions from number 5 for your good and bad habits.


SHAME/GUILT
Close your eyes and look back at your life from your childhood all the way up to now. Bring to mind the negative things you experienced. Write them down. Ponder on how those things are still affecting you today and ask yourself the following questions.

  1. Which past events replay themselves in your mind over and over again? Make a list.
  2. Which things do you constantly regret when you remember? Make a list.
  3. What things happened in your life to bring you shame that you still carry with you? Make a list.
  4. What things do you worry about from your past? Make a list.
  5. Who are you angry at? What people or events do you blame for your current situation?

Ponder over these events. Allow yourself to feel them fully and have compassion for yourself and what you went through. Make sure that when you revisit that moment, to tell your past self that you are sorry they went through what they went through and tell them it is not their fault. For example, if revisiting an event you experienced as a child, drop into that event in your mind's eye as a visitor and speak to your child self and allow him/her to tell you exactly how he/she is feeling in that moment. When you have finished, consciously leave the event behind. Integrate how that event is still showing up in your life and show compassion for it.

Once you have extended compassion to past and present selves, take some time to write down how this negative experience has actually benefited you. Did it show you how strong you are? Did it make you stronger? Maybe it has allowed you the unique opportunity of experiencing something you don't want so you can have a deeper understanding and appreciation of what you DO want. Recognize that our experiences, EACH and EVERY one of them, make us wiser, and they help us grow. Learn to learn from your past, and not regret it. With this new outlook, you can now take FULL responsibility for everything that has happened in your life. You are NOT a victim. You have the power to allow different experiences to repeat themselves in your life, and you have the power to stop them. The choice is yours. You cannot change your circumstances as long as you are a victim. These questions/exercises will help you to reclaim your power. 



DETACHMENT

Take a deep breath into your belly. Keep your shoulders and chest still. Exhale allowing your belly to deflate as you empty out all of your breath with a "ha" sound. Take a few of these breaths until you feel relaxed and present.  

Now imagine your consciousness floating above your body, your current location, your current situation. Notice how your body gets smaller and smaller. Notice how small everything around your body gets smaller; how all the details that were once overwhelming don't appear as important now. Everything gets smaller when you see it from a vantage point - a greater perspective. The very important details of HOW things get done, or even if they get done at all get tinier and tinier. 

Now begin to see your life as a straight line. From your birth, to the present moment that you are now hovering above, to the future, the unknown of your life. Now allow yourself to reach down and pick up all of those small things. Imagine your arms are hugging all of these details. They are heavy, they are burdensome, they are overwhelming and not very important when you look at the entire span of your life. Bring them back up with you as you hover high over your life's timeline. Now take a deep breath, and drop them all! Allow them to fall wherever they want to fall on your timeline. Some of them will find their way out of your life as you begin to recognize from this vantage point that they were not as important as you once thought.

Do this exercise when you feel yourself growing to attached to outcomes. Especially those that involve other people having the basic human right to make their own choices and do things their own way. Try to allow yourself the space to not allow the decisions of others affect how you feel about yourself. The more you grow out of judgment and more in love with yourself, the more you can grow out of judgment and in love with others - unconditional love - the only love there really is. Allow people and circumstances to play out in their own way without feeling the need to control them. When you find yourself getting worked up over someone else's life choices or decisions, take a deep breath, and return to this exercise. Refocus your attention on yourself. Turn your reactions into responses and have a laugh while you're at it. Life is meant to be enjoyed! Don't take everything so seriously. Laugh at yourself and laugh at your circumstances, no matter how overwhelming they may seem, further down in your timeline, it will not be. So try to relax into that knowing right now in the present moment. It is impossible to be happy when you're not living in the present moment. Drop back into the present once you have completed the exercise and find everything you can about it to enjoy!